Justify My Love
by P3trinity.SVU.Liv
Summary: Olivia gets sick and Amanda takes her home to care for her, only finding this flourishing their remationship even more. Rolivia Olivia/Amanda pairing.
1. chapter 1

Olivia stood in front of the building of the 1-6 early Wednesday morning, she guessed around 7, she'd usually be in earlier because that was just her, but the moment she cracked her eyes open she felt like her body was anchored with lead and kind of weak and nauseous, her head now beginning to feel like the dark storm clouds beginning to form over head, and a little hotter in the cooler morning air than she should feel. She was fine she'd felt worse before, she just needed to get into work and not make it obvious that she was off her game today. She stuffed her keys in her purse and looked at the time on her phone taking a deep breathe not paying to much attention.

Olivia took another deep breath and looked down standing there for a moment a little unsure of herself. She needed a plan or something, or just to convince her mind she could get through the day unfazed like any other time. She looked up at the door, willing her body into motion, 'one step at a time... I can do this, just get into my office' I can do this she thought to herself.

She swayed a bit then struggled for a moment to get her footing just right as the storm brewed in her body only starting to feel worse instead of better. She wasn't one to get sick often, maybe she was just run down. She just took it one step at a time praying she didn't seem as slow as she felt. She smiled that grin that played off her features and was great for masking how she felt inside as she passed by her coworkers, not the usual morning greeting as she mentally calculated the distance to her office, "Just another inch" she persuaded herself internally. "Just keep going and I'll be rewarded with that big soft chair." It was a budget office chair and she usually hated it, but today she welcomed it as today, gravity was her enemy at this very moment and that was the last thing anyone needed to see. She had to remain strong. Keep going. That's who she was. When she wasn't, when she let her guard down people always left her, or maybe she'd chased them away, she let her mind slip thinking back to Elliot's last words to her etched on a piece of paper Semper Fi... she hadn't realized her thoughts stopped her motion until her body gave another nudge her stomach rolled and she felt kinda dizzy, this making it clear she didn't have time for morning greetings and needed to sit asap...

While Olivia was focused on just getting herself inside, Amanda was just a minute behind attempting to give herself an inspiring chat on conquering the day. Her internal dialogue was inspired by Olivia, whom she had just seen walking in; though, perhaps, that's why the pep talk was distracted, too. Amanda had been walking in at the same time as Olivia but once she saw Olivia, her heart was in her throat and butterflies fluttered in her stomach. Olivia's grace, strength, class, wisdom, and flat out fierceness that she exuded from every pore was admired by Amanda. Amanda thrived off of Olivia's energy and it usually helped her turn up her self confidence. Lately, though, it almost intimidated her as her feelings formed for Olivia past what she was familiar with. Nevertheless, she noticed something was a bit off today; the smile that masked Olivia's internal turmoil was probably what tipped Amanda's detective instinct into full gear. Amanda watched Olivia's movements for any tips on what she's very good at hiding.

Olivia finally making it into her office shut the door softly before making a bee line for her desk chair dropping her bags on the floor next to it instead of taking things out just yet to start her morning, she sat back trying her hardest to take deep breaths and rid her brain of the fog and now dull throbbing at her temples that made her stomach rolled a bit more. Maybe she should have skipped take out last night and the two cups of coffee with toast she'd forced into herself this morning. Not realizing she never pulled the shade closed on her office door she pulled herself forward laying her head in her arms at her desk trying to talk her body into motion it was determined not to do.

Amanda knew that something was definitively off with Olivia at this point her whole morning routine was completely ignored as she fled to her office and this didn't go unnoticed by Amanda at all, she engaged in conversation with Fin and Carisi but her mind was on Olivia and how she was going to find out what exactly was happening. She glanced over noticing the shade was left up another thing that was abnormal, it was almost like Olivia walked in a fog or something. Her thoughts ran away within her making her heart rate pick up in pace hoping Olivia wasn't having flashbacks again of what Lewis had done to her, she'd been through a lot of therapy but she out of anyone else here knows they can pop up out of nowhere and she was determined at this point to figure things out. She tried to make herself look busy thinking of a way to come up with an excuse to check on Olivia, knowing work was slow so she couldn't use that as an excuse.

Liv sat up finally catching her bearings a little and moved slowly with a hand to her stomach, she pulled out her laptop and powered it on, typing in auto pilot at this point. She swallowed several times past the nausea rising in her stomach feeling a little shaky from the thought. She willed her body to cooperate trying to ignore how she felt, running on autopilot. Secretly Olivia hated being sick, no one knew this. She'd suffer alone on the occasion it did happen as she never had anyone in the first place.

Amanda making an excuse to get up peeked through Olivia's window seeing her fully now, she looked peaked, Amanda knew Olivia wouldn't say anything. She was stubborn but for once Amanda wanted her to admit needing someone and she wanted that someone to be her...she shuffled through her thoughts trying to come up with an excuse to enter her office until a bright idea flashed through her mind. She moved away from the door and towards the mini kitchen they had, she noticed Olivia didn't have her usual cup of coffee at her desk, she'd found reason to check on her now. Along with some DD5s that needed some "inspection" she made coffee the way she knew Olivia liked it and made her a bagel it's probably do her some good to get something in her stomach. Grabbing the food and papers from the counter she made her way to Olivia. She didn't want Liv to see her spying so she knocked on the door lightly, she saw Olivia's head pop up and her expression change quickly as she replied for her to come in.

"I brought you some coffee and breakfast well with my DD5s." Amanda said smiling as she made her way to Olivia's desk. 'Leave it to Amanda to hit the paperwork hard' Olivia thought just as she caught a whiff of the coffee and food. Her face paled a few shades Amanda took notice of this.

"Are you alright?" Amanda asked Olivia who hadn't replied yet.

"Yes sorry, thanks" Olivia almost whispered her stomach jumping into her throat. 'Oh god' she thought.

"Liv?...what's going on, you don't look alright?" Amanda asked moving around to stand at Olivia's side setting the food down. Olivia thought she'd lose it right then and there she swallowed several times and shook her head afraid if she opened her mouth what would come out.

Amanda put a hand on Olivia's shoulder and feeling the heat there instantly. She knew it! Olivia was definitely sick.

" Liv what's going on you look sick and your hot, literally!...Well both, but you have a fever Liv," Amanda said softly.

Liv looked up at Amanda's face knowing it was over now she couldn't cover it up with Amanda anymore, why was she kidding herself? Amanda was a damn good Detecive, she looked at Amanda letting her face express how she felt. Suddenly tears formed in her eyes in fear of her own vulnerability. Her hand clutched at her stomach as it rolled up into her throat. She started feeling shaky "I think I'm sick," Olivia said looking down afraid to meet Amanda's eyes. Amanda gently lifted Olivia's chin until she was looking at her. "It's okay, Liv why didn't you tell me before now?" Amanda asked her gently. Olivia shrugged feeling the ache settle in her bones.

Olivia looked up at her with fear in her eyes her hand still clutchin her stomach,shaking her head now out of fear, and not wanting others to see her vulnerability. She knew it was going to happen whether she wanted it to or not but the thought always scared her ever since a very traumatizing experience she'd had during childhood. Maybe it was the thought of losing her showing her vulnerable side, maybe it was Never having anyone to comfort her while sick or upset her entire life? She'd learned to tough it out on her own early on. Somehow this seemed different.

Olivia swallowed her eyes watering at the pain in her throat that was now very present turning into a sudden coughing fit that turned her stomach even more and caused her head to pound. Her hands grabbed at the sharp pain in her head as the tears in her eyes fled down her cheeks, this is exactly the weak side of her she'd hoped Amanda wouldn't have to see. Amanda could feel Olivia's inner battle she put a hand in her shoulder, Olivia finally stopped coughing.

"I'm sorry," Liv whispered

"Olivia honey don't be sorry for things you can't control ever, not to me not ever...listen I know it sucks but I'm here for you sweetie, whatever you need I'm your girl...Always and forever." Amanda rubbed Olivia's shoulder reassuringly then noting Olivia's Pale features, her heart skipped a beat when she saw the fear in Olivia's eyes, it wasn't something she seen very much at all. She wasn't everyone else, she wouldn't leave Olivia's side ever and she needed her to know that.

Olivia's stomach roiled threateningly, she closed here eyes breathing slowly to ease the feeling the best she could "It's okay sweetie," Amanda kissed the top of her head.

Then came the big question...

Amanda wanted to bring her home and take care of her and not give her much choice in the matter but didn't want to upset her in the process

Olivia moved to lay her head in her arms on her desk once again, breathing unevenly trying to will her stomach and body that had now weakened considerably to calm down. She felt shaky still and jumped unintentionally when she felt Amanda touch her shoulder again gently.

"Olivia sweetie... listen we have no work today, it's slow. Let me take you home, if something comes up Fin or Carisi will call right away. I'm not leaving you either. I'm taking care of you, so please just give and let me do it... you... Liv you know I care for you. I need to do this for you. I need to be there. Please."

Olivia feeling like death warmed over by now looked up at her through hooded eyes. She searched Amanda's face for a second and nodded forcing and "Okay" out of her mouth that shocked Amanda for a second, but she recovered quick.

"You okay Liv?"

Olivia nodded just before Amanda pulled her into her arms and stroked her back soft hair. She kissed the top of her head.

"Okay sweetie, I'll grab my stuff really quickly, we need to get you out of here and get you home and in bed."

Olivia pulled away slowly and nodded while slowly starting to gather her things back up from her desk, Amanda was shocked that she's agreed so easily but she'd take it. Once Olivia had everything packed up Amanda returned with a bottle of ginger ale, and some fever reducer just in case Olivia was out, She let Liv know that she told Fin and Carisi that she was to sick to work and she was taking her home and staying with her to help her. Olivia didn't say much more of nodding her head than anything.

Fin took their stuff so Amanda could hold onto Olivia to keep her steady just incase until they got into Amanda's car. She looked like she'd drop at any moment at this point which worried Amanda even more. She needed to get her home and take her temperature make sure it wasn't to high.

Once finally inside the car and on their way, Olivia leaned her head against the cool car window and closed her eyes. She held her stomach, clenching her jaw to keep the bumps from making her nauseous even more. Amanda thought it'd be better to have Lucy take Jessie and Noah to her house so they weren't exposed to the flu, so she made sure to make that phone call before leaving.

Once finally at Olivia's apartment Amanda took out her own keys opening the door and leading Olivia straight to the sofa for now, at least until she could take her temperature and stuff. She knew Olivia was feeling worse than she has in a very long time and wanted nothing more than to take her pain away. She covered Olivia with a blanket when she saw chills run through the now quiet Lieutenant.

Olivia pulled the blanket tighter around her closing her eyes against the aching in her head as she saw Amanda disappear from the room stating she'd be back. It wasn't long that Amanda had gathered the supplies she thought they might need and come back to Olivia fast asleep. She moved quietly to set the bottle of water on the table along with fever reducer and some other necessities. She crouched down next to Olivia gently pressing the thermometer into her ear waiting for it beep, once it did she pulled it gently away as Olivia stirred. She looked at the lit LED screen 102.4, great she couldn't let it get any higher not by much anyway. Olivia cracked open her eyes looking at Amanda. "How you feeling sweetie?" Amanda asked knowing it was a stupid question. "So cold...ugh..." Olivia mumbled almost incoherently. "That's because you're fever is pretty high sweetie, I need you to take these for me okay?" Amanda shook two pills into her palm and handed the fever reducers to Olivia helping her to sit up some and swallow them with the water. After a couple sips Olivia pushed the bottle back into Amanda's hands. She pulled the blankets back up to her repeating once again that she was cold. Amanda hoped the fever reducers would help soon but for now she had an idea.

"Hey Liv sweetie sit up for me for a minute okay."

Olivia looked confused but did as asked Amanda slipped onto the sofa where Olivia's upper body was and gently pulled Olivia into the warmth of her body and covered her again tucking the blanket around her securely. She wrapped her arms around her as Olivia lay her tired head into her chest. Amanda lowered herself propped up but half laying back so Olivia could lay comfortably in her arms. She kissed the top of her her head using her own body heat to calm the bone chill that Olivia was feeling. Olivia snuggled in closer her eyes closing once again. Olivia once she felt more warm fell back asleep to the comfort of Amanda running her fingers through her hair lovingly. Amanda couldn't help but get lost in thought about what their future would be like. She never imagined Olivia would even let her this far in, she felt like the luckiest woman on the planet. The fast that Olivia was sick almost hurt to her because she couldn't imagine the thought of her hurting in anyway if she could help it. She'd do anything she could to help her feel better. She looked down at Olivia's flushed cheek still running her fingers through her hair. She'd like to think it was helping at least in a comforting manner.

Amanda felt her eyes become heavy she could just close them for a few minutes with Olivia safe in her arms. She felt herself drift fast despite having slept well the night before herself. It must have been the comfort of having Olivia in her arms itself. It was about 45 minutes give or take before she was jostled awake by Olivia. She wasn't quite sure what happened but she felt Olivia jolt into the sitting position looking around the room at an unseen assailant. Fever induced nightmares were common especially in this line of duty. Amanda reached up pulling her back down to her gently reassuring her until she was thinking more clearly.

"Shhh sweetie it's okay, it's me Amanda, no one else is here remember? You're sick it's only a nightmare everything is fine." Amanda rubbed her shoulder and arm gently so she could feel her.

" but...he.. you...Amanda?" Olivia questioned.

"Yes sweetie, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." Amanda pulled her forward to look in her face to make sure she was understanding her. Olivia looked down a little sheepishly and muttered a sleepy apology.

Nothing to be sorry for Liv, I'm gonna to go make you some tea and both of us something to eat okay? Try to get something into your system, your body needs nutrients to fight off this flu. Olivia nodded although she was unsure of her ability to eat anything remotely in the way of food but she didn't want to say no. It felt to good to have someone that cares and she didn't want that to go away. Amanda moved off the couch leaving Olivia laying back on her pillows she wrapped the blankets around her. She was a little cooler meaning the fever reducers were at least helping. Olivia closed her eyes again she hadn't felt this tired in as long as she could remember.

Amanda found herself in her kitchen finding everything with ease as she spent more time here than home lately she realized. It was a good feeling. She had called Fin and Carisi to make sure everything was still going smoothly at work. Finding that it was she made a call to Lucy to Check on the kids and Frannie. Lucy said they were perfect and everything was fine at her place and not to worry just get Liv feeling better. She thanked her the godsend of a nanny Liv was able to find. Lucy loved Noah and Jessie too so it helped out a lot. She made the tea first then decided to make homemade soup, the nutrients would be better and she had time since Olivia was asleep again. She gathered all the ingredients and busied herself with the task at hand.

Amanda got lost in her thoughts humming to herself as she moved smoothly around the kitchen like it was her own. She was stirring the soup as it cooked now that all the ingredients had even put together when she heard a small thump then a frustrated moan from the other room. She went to investigate knowing he soup had a little while longer and almost bumped straight into Olivia who was rushing in that way but for a different reason. Olivia's expression looked once again pained and a little panicked she noticed Olivia didn't say anything just rushed into the bathroom, Amanda becoming concerned now rushed to the open doorway watching as Olivia yanked up the toilet lid and fell to her knees in front of the bowl. 'Oh no!' Amanda thought and rushed in and to her side knowing what was to come. she knelt next to her long forgetting about the soup. She gently pulled Olivia's hair away from her face and rubbed a comforting hand at her back. Olivia felt ashamed but also felt to sick to do anything anyways. Almost as if Amanda could read her thoughts she had reassured Olivia that she it was fine and she wasn't going anywhere once again.

Tears welled up in Olivia's eyes as she got that unmistakable feeling in her throat.

"Sweetie you can't control being sick, I don't want you to be sorry or embarrassed, I just want to help okay," Amanda told her.

Olivia tried to steady her breathing, but every breath she took just made the nausea worse. She swallowed carefully, in an attempt to stop her stomach from turning itself inside out, but she could tell she was only moments from losing control. She whimpered miserably.

"Hey," Amanda's voice came again. "It's okay, just try to relax," Olivia felt a cool hand against her forehead checking her temperature again. She may need to chase the Motrin with Tylenol.

Olivia tried to look up at Amanda but could barely lift her head because The next thing she knew, her stomach erupted spilling its contents into the bowl in front of her. She retched convulsively for a minute before she could catch her breath. Amanda was at her side still rubbing circles on her back feeling the sweat that had seeped through the cloth of her shirt. She'd have to get her out of that and into a dry one but she'd worry about that after right now Olivia needed her to stay at her side. She could feel Olivia's fear as well as feel her trembling under her hand.

"Try to breathe sweetie," Amanda said as she was swept up into a series of heaves once again. Olivia finally leaned back against her gulping in air feeling dizzy and weak

They sat on the bathroom floor for about ten minutes before Amanda helped her stand, rinse her mouth, then led her her into her bedroom. She moved quickly getting a nightshirt for Olivia to wear and left her to change only to grab her pillows from the living room and bring them back to her bed. Olivia changed and laid back again the cool sheets just as Amanda put the pillows in place.

"I'm going to go turn off the soup and get you some Tylenol for that fever". Amanda left the room not wanting to leave her for to long.

Olivia moaned miserably at the thought of putting anything in her still rolling stomach but she knew she needed to bring her temperature down or things could get much worse. Amanda returned quickly handing her a glass with ginger ale and two pills she swallowed them painfullythen set the glass on the stand next to her.

Amanda pulled the covers up over her. Olivia whispered weakly to her, but Amanda could barely hear the words she was forming. "Hold me."

"You want me to hold you?"Amanda asked, not sure she heard her right at first.

Please," Olivia's voice was so weak. "Scared."

"You don't have to be scared," Amanda's voice was comforting. "I'm right here with you sweetie."

Olivia reached out and grasped Amanda's arm in her hand. Almanda looked at her sympathetically . "Okay, sweetie of course I'll hold you" she said in a quiet voice, "just let me change really quick." Amanda felt bad for her she wanted to cry at the thought of Olivia in so much pain and suffering. She wiped a stray tear of her own away as she pulled on an oversized NYPD t-shirt and and pair of pajama pants

Amanda returned to the bed and, lifting the covers, and slid in next to Olivia, she was flushed with fever and shaking; Amanda then noticed a tear track down her face. "Olivia?" she asked, suddenly anxious. "What is it?"

"Hurts," Olivia gasped.

"Where does it hurt?" Amanda asked.

"Everywhere" Olivia's voice was weak as she struggled not to cry.

"It's okay sweetie, Amanda pulled her into her arms. The meds will kick in soon." Amanda said glad she had given her the PM Tylenol now so that it's help her sleep. Amanda pulled Olivia closer bringing her arms around her securely.

"I'm right here my love. Always. Nothing you could ever do could make me leave you. I'm so sorry your so sick baby" Amanda kissed her head noticing in the time she spent comforting her finally after a while the medication began to kick in.

"Love you Manda" Olivia said sleepily.

Amanda kissed Olivia's forehead. "I love you too, now try to sleep sweetie you're body needs it." Amanda says softly stroking Olivia's back.

Olivia's eyes closed unable to fight sleep any longer. Amanda felt relieved when she felt her breathing even out.

Amanda realized she was more tired than she thought. She snuggled down more. Olivia readjusted to the new angle, but didn't wake. Amanda let herself drift off not releasing her hold on Olivia the entire time.

She didn't think she could love Olivia anymore than she already did but she was proved wrong even at her worst she was so amazingly strong and beautiful leading Amanda to dreamland all about her.

 ** _A/N more to come this story is just the beginning of amazing things to come the sick fic part was a request but I'm taking it a lit further than that and creating a complete fan fiction with multiple chapters of Rolivia rather than a sick fic one shot. This just the beginning of amazing things to come_**


	2. Im Gonna Love You Throu (07-21 20:18:08)

Olivia had never felt more safe than she did in this very moment when she woke again a short time later a little confused as to why she's woken up as she realized she and Amanda were very much tangled together with both of Amanda's arms wrapped around Olivia securely as if she was afraid she disappear in her sleep.

She realized then what had woken her when her stomach rolled almost dangerously once again this time more insistent than the first time. She needed to figure out how to get out of the mess of limbs and blankets and soon. Olivia tried to move feeling shaky and weak. Amanda was out cold and snoring at that she was stuck in the blankets and under the dead weight of the smaller detective.

Olivia kept trying over and over to move as much as she could, giving up, She finally found her voice a little afraid she'd be sick right then and there. "Amanda..." She pleaded weakly and Olivia pushed harder at Amanda's arms still feeling weak as can be. Amanda options ened her eyes confused about what was happening she felt Olivia push at her again, "Amanda think I'm going to be sick you really have to move please!" Came Olivia's frantic voice again, Amandas eyes shot open quickly this time hearing her very clearly now with panic coloring her words. She sat up moving fast to untangle the blankets from Olivia, so she could get into the bathroom in time hopefully, once released Amanda was at her side helping her as she tried to sprint to the bathroom but only succeeding in stumbling forward a few steps on her own.

Amanda wrapped an arm around Olivia waist hoisting her with her quickly cursing herself for not bringing a bucket into the bedroom for Her just Incase when they'd moved to the bedroom. Once into the bathroom Olivia fell to her knees in front of the toilet. She was visibly shaking at this point which concerned Amanda until she realized it was more of a panic when she saw the fearful look on Olivia's face.

"Sweetie, it's going to be okay, I'm right here baby, I know you feel horrible, I'm so sorry, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere," Amanda rubbed Olivia's back feeling her trembling body that just now became wracked with a cough that was no help to the nausea she felt very intensely already. Olivia hates throwing up it scared her because she could never catch her breath, she didn't want to tell Amanda that she was afraid of such an stupid thing, she felt vulnerable.

Olivia's stomach clenched again she was quickly losing her control over her body once again, she just wanted to cry. She pulled herself forward hanging her head over the bowl gagging convulsively as Amanda rubbed a hand up and down her back speaking soothing words, and holding her hair with her other hand. 'This was going to be a long. Night,' Amanda thought to herself. She felt so bad for Olivia right now. This was not how she envisioned spending time with the woman she loved and she hates to see her suffer like so.

Olivia retched again violently throwing up for the second time tonight as Amanda continued to soothe her also adding a cool wash towel on the back of Olivia's neck. She continued to rub Olivias back until she leaned into her gasping for air at her oxygen deprived lungs. She was still so tired. She leaned back into Amanda's shoulder closing her eyes.

"Honey let's get you back to bed," Amanda said moving her hair out of her face. Olivia simply nodded her eyes still closed.

Amanda helped Liv to her feet and back to her bedroom settling her back into bed, this time she got smart and brought the mop bucket but Liv was asleep before she could even climb back into bed herself, Amanda gently climbed back into bed unable to stop her exhaustion from consuming her once her head hit the pillows again.

The next time Olivia opened her eyes she looked at the clock noticing it was 5:30 AM she's forgotten that Lucy was coming to collect some things for Noah and Jessie, she text Lucy telling her she was feeling much better and that she would be going to work, if she wanted to keep them with her for one more day to be sure, she is welcome to come get what ever was needed.

Olivia quietly slipped out of bed, sure not to disturb Amanda since she hadn't gotten much sleep. She couldn't let being sick keep her from getting her job done. She quietly grabbed an outfit from her closet shivering slightly, and opting for something warmer today. She moved slowly to the bathroom after looking to be sure Amanda was still asleep. Olivia dressed and gathered up some things for the kids so Lucy wouldn't wake Amanda when she came in.

Olivia poured herself a large cup of coffee that had been timed the night before. Her head hurt, her body hurt and her stomach rolled at the coffee she put into but she willed her body to cooperate with her. She grabbed her keys from the bowl on the counter picking up the bag for Lucy on her way, as expected Lucy has knocked just as she did both kids at her side.

"Momma!" both kids cried out in unison as they clung to each of her legs.

"Hey Do you two remember the quiet game momma taught you? Mommy is asleep still so we have to be quite okay," Olivia said kneeling down to rub her sons hair but avoided kissing either one of them, knowing full well she was still sick and contagious. She handed Lucy the bag. Lucy smiled taking It. Liv decided to walk out with them after making sure she had her purse keys and phone, she locked the door behind her.

After waving goodbye Olivia climbed into her own car and drove off to get started on work that she's missed yesterday. She didn't want Amanda to think she was weak. She already felt so vulnerable. She was determined today. She didn't want to lose her like everyone else.

Waking into the office she pulled her coat tighter around herself, deciding she'd most likely be the first one there until she saw Fin's car.

Olivia tried her best to look and act as normal as possible as she walked into the office, she thought she had it pulled off having said good morning to her Sergeant.

She reached for the door handle to her office just as he met up with her touching her arm gently. She almost rolled her eyes but instead forced a smile, and looked at him.

"Olivia, you're sick what are you doing here? Amanda practically dragged your ass out of here yesterday." Fin asked her.

Olivia Avoided looking into his eye instead she looked towards her door, " I'm feeling much better today, must have just been some 24 hour thing. I have a lot of work to catch up on now," Olivia Smiled trying to make herself look reassuring.

"Sure Liv...of course, but hey if you need anything holler okay?" Fin retreated knowing not to push it.

"Sure thing Fin, thanks."

She had to put an act on, but made it into her office not knowing that Fin didn't buy her act for one second. Feeling lightheaded she sat heavily into her desk chair waiting a few moments to clear her vision before taking out her laptop and powering it on. She began working trying to forget the ache in her body, and the relentless nausea, the heading clawing at her temples yet again.

Fin sat back at his desk, thinking about how exactly Olivia may have gotten past Amanda, and why didn't they come into work together, he thought for a second, glancing over at Olivia's office door when he heard a rough sounding cough from inside. He knew Olivia very well, she must have scammed her way past Amanda, maybe he could get her help on the matter at hand, he knew she wasn't due at work for another couple of hours. He wondered if maybe Olivia and her had gotten into an argument but then thought the better of it as he pulled out his phone, deciding to shoot Amanda a text message.

Amanda still in bed slightly awake, on the other side of the bed she heard her phone going off. She opened her eyes, waking fully to the ring tone that Olivia set for her on there first date, she noticed Olivia's side of the Bed was empty. Maybe she was in the bathroom again she thought. She picked up her phone, noticing that she had a text from fin

Text message

"yo Amanda you up?

Amanda replied back blinking her eyes to clear them of sleep.

"yes I am now thanks to you,what's up?"

Amanda still wondering where Olivia was, having not heard any movement from her anywhere.

Fin typed at his computer listening once again to Olivia cough, he was just about to text Amanda again when her text dinged through. He picked it up reading Amanda's message and responded back.

"Well Olivia looks like hell! She sounds it to girl, what you doing letting your girlfriend come to work like this?"

"Hi just kidding though, I know how Olivia can be, everything alright? She sounds pretty rough Amanda, she tryin to play it off like nothing is wrong at all here."

Amanda looks at her phone shocked at Fins text. She replied back quickly.

"Fin, oh my god, I had no idea she even left! I was just wondering where she went as you texted me! she's so stubborn I swear.

Amanda gets up out of bed and just noticing the time was 6:40am she had to get ready for work.

Fin heard his phone ding once again, looking at her reply he wasn't the least bit shocked when he read that Olivia had slipped right past a sleeping Amanda. He knew how she was. He also knew she was afraid of people leaving her or looking weak, she had a fear that if she shown her vulnerable side she'd lose Amanda like she'd lost Elliot and Brian, and others. Fin also knew those feelings as legit as they felt to Olivia were not the truth, and Amanda would not leave her for something as trivial as that.

"She's here and she sick as hell Amanda. You on your way in? Maybe you'll have better luck talking to her stubborn ass than me."

Amanda replied back quickly,

"on my way soon fin."

Amanda rushing to get dressed, brushing her hair and teeth. She had a set of files on the kitchen table she went to grab but realized they were missing. Amanda thought to herself that Olivia must have taken them when she left. Amanda really hoped that Olivia had them as she grabbed her keys off the kitchen counter, she sprinted out of the building and hopped in her car, driving off, trying to rush through morning Manhattan traffic. She made it there in record timing, knowing she'd have her hands full now. She sprinted into the 1-6 not wasting any time.

She didn't even take time to grab coffee on the way, she was worried about Olivia, her mind only on that. She noticed Carisi entering the building behind her but didn't stay behind to chat. She met up with Fin, giving him a knowing look. "Where is she? Her office?" Amanda asked him. Fin took off his glasses and nodded.

"Amanda go easy on her, this is hard for her."

Olivia's hands were on her temples, she tried her hardest to concentrate on the work before her, but she felt like hell and was almost really regretting her decision to come back into work now. Her stomach made itself known again rolling against the bitter coffee she put into it.

Amanda walked away from Fins desk, and to the door to Olivia's office. She swung the door open not even knocking this time. She looked at Olivia narrowing her eyes at her. "Surprised to see you here?" Amanda said sarcastically

Liv jumped at the sound of her voice, she looked at her shocked, why didn't she think this part through?... She opened her mouth to say something, but then just shut it again biting her lip to will away the tears that threatened. She was unsure why she even wanted to cry. Maybe it was the illness, or the thought of Amanda being mad at her, maybe both. She watched as Amanda approached her desk and suddenly she was nervous.

Amanda stopped at Olivia's desk and looking at her, but Olivia looked down as a tear rolled down her face. Amanda felt bad. She looked down at the ground as well. "Liv, why are you here? you can't work, you are sick and need rest" Amanda said calmly. Olivia looked up at her hesitantly wiping the tears from her face, cursing herself for her lack of control over her emotions. Her bottom lip still trembling. "I'm sorry Amanda, I just..." she broke off her stomach rolling more, and tears brimming her eyes once again.

She took a deep breathe trying to regain her composure. "I just have a lot of work to do Amanda, crime just doesn't call in sick" her voice sounded much more strained than she intended. Amanda looked at her trying to choose her words wisely. She studied her for a moment, trying to think of her next move without scaring Olivia off. Olivia clutched unconsciously at her rolling stomach. Noticing Amanda wasn't saying anything back, somehow made her more nervous, since when was she the nervous type? Since she realized she fell head over heels in love with the very woman standing in front of her... she answered her own questioning thoughts. She could hear the morning bustle outside the office now, She was about to speak again when her stomach did a dive summersault type thing leaving her feeling extremely nauseous.

Amanda studied Olivia's face seeing her go a few shades paler than she was a moment ago, She recognized that face she made, as the one she seen the night before when she was feeling nauseous.

"Liv, honey, are you going to be sick?" Amanda asked in a worried tone, Olivia swallowed hard, looking like she would vomit any second now. Olivia didn't say anything, afraid that if she did, she's lose her stomach right then and there. Amanda thinking quickly, rushed over to grab a garbage can from the right side of her desk, rushing it back over to Olivia, setting it into her lap, then moving behind her to comfort her by rubbing her back.

Olivia felt shaky, and knew she was visibly shaking by now. She hated being sick, and her body wasn't giving her much a choice in the matter. She held the trashcan with both hands waiting for the next wave of nausea to hit, praying maybe it would just pass, her stomach clenched, she swollowed several times, in an attempt to dispel the feeling. She hung her head above the trash can afraid to move. Amanda still rubbing circles on her back soothingly. She could feel her trembling beneath her hand.

"It's okay Liv, honey I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." Amanda said reassuring her, just as she heard a knock at Olivia's Office door.

"Just a minute!" Amanda called out to them, As Olivia is still shaky with her head over the trash can. Amanda continues to rub her back, feeling her tense up, then Olivia lost it, her stomach let loose she started vomiting. Tears made tracks down her face, Amanda seeing the fear in her face, squats down to look at her. "I'm going to go get some paper towels ok baby, stay put I'll be right back" Amanda said in a calm voice. She stands up and walks out of Olivia's office shutting door behind her, she noticed her coworkers looking her way as well people out there. Her only focus was Olivia as rushed to the bathroom to grab some paper towels, she rushed back just as fast re-entering Olivia's office she shut the door behind her and rushes over to Liv, handing her the paper towels. Olivia wipes her mouth, tears still running down her face that Amanda wipes away saying "shh I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Are you feeling any better?" Amanda asked

Olivia nodded, afraid to even speak at this point, she shakily set the trashcan down on the floor. Sitting back up a bit painfully. "I'm sorry," she whspiered looking up at Amanda, just as another knock sounded on the door of her office.

"Liv, honey don't ever be sorry for being sick, it's not something that you can control. I'm here for you in every way you need me to be, even if you don't see that you need me to be. Amanda gently ran her fingers over Olivia's cheek, smiling at her. The woman she loved to the very core, was stunningly beautiful even at her worst of times. "I love you Livvie, I'm here no matter what, I'm going to see who keeps knocking at the door though just Incase it's something important. I'll be right back." Olivia Nodded feeling suddenly really exhausted.

Amanda reached the door cracking it open just enough for whonever is was not to see into the office and see Olivia in this state. She was relieved to see that it was Fin.

"Everything okay in here Amanda?" Fin asked her in concern, he's noticed they'd been in there for quite some time, and also noticed Amanda run out, and back into the office.

"Yeah, she's okay now. Her stomach said nope not today! poor Liv," Amanda replied looking back over at Olivia who was looking down at the ground. Amanda could tell there could be something more going on..she seems worried, or scared, maybe embarrassed... Fin interrupted her thoughts saying "She is going home right?" He asked in suspension.

"I'm working on it Fin, I'll get her home one way or another. You got this place covered for us Sarge?" She asked patting his shoulder, she noticed Carisi's eyes on her as well as Their ADA who seems to appear out of thin air. Alex was a great friend but for now she wasn't going to push the envelope anymore, not until she knew what was going on in Olivia's head. She definitely wasn't acting herself.

"I've got it Amanda, you work on her, I'll keep things tight around here." Fin said waving her off so she can return to Olivia.

Amanda closed the door gently returning to Olivia, in hopes to figure out what was bothering her. She set a hand on her shoulder, Liv finally looking up front he floor, her features ashen. She tried once again to bite back tears, she wasn't even sure why because this was comepletely Unlike her, even alone. Her stomach rolled again. Deciding she's had enough, maybe she should just trust It for now. Take things as they come. She wasn't getting any work done anyway. "Amanda...I'm really not feeling well, please... I'm sorry I snuck back into work, it was really stupid of me to do. please take me home?" Olivia's lip trembeld at the threat of tears. She must really feel miserable to admit defeat, while fighting to keep her emotions in check also.

Amanda feelt bad for Olivia "yes, we are going to get you home okay, I'm gonna pack up your things and we will leave" she says as she rubs her back. Amanda gets up and grabs Olivia's purse and laptop and carries it out handing it to Fin who'd offered to bring their stuff to her car. Amanda returned quickly to Olivia, helping her stand out of her chair by placing Olivia's arm over her shoulders helping her up. Olivia felt wobbly and light headed and she felt her stomach drop.

Olivia stopped in her tracks, standing stock still, she closed her eyes swallowing over and over, in an attempt to keep the nausea at bay. "Oh god," she whispered out loud by accident. Amanda waiting patiently for her to catch her bearings hopefully. The room seemed to just spin around her making her feel even worse. She was no absolutely sure she's never felt this sick before.

Amanda realized Liv was really dizzy and knew she could lose her stomach any minute so she risked it by picking Olivia up bridal style to carry her out her car.

"Amanda...I can walk! I'm to big for you to carry, put me down!" Olivia Protested.

"No way Liv, you looked like you were going to face plant the floor! You are not to heavy now stop arguing!" Amanda looked at firmly.

"Amanda..." Liv whined.

"To bad Liv we aren't going to have you collapsing on the floor! Would you rather that Happen? Because if it does I'll be calling a bus, and you'll be strapped to a gourney in front of everyone instead." Amanda told her matter of factly. This time Liv just gave her a look and closed her mouth.

Amanda cofidently hoisted Olivia in her arms and walked out the door of the 1-6, not caring what type of stares she was sure to have received on her way out. She moved as fast as she can to the car, she rushed into work so fast she forgot to lock her doors thank god Fin brought the stuff down for her. she opened the passenger side door with her foot then sat Olivia down in the seat gently, shutting the door and ran over to the other side of the car and hopped in. She looked to be sure all their work things were indeed in the back seat, which there where 2 car seats Noah's and Jessie Fin had put the bags on the floor of the car. She watched Liv struggle with her buckle deciding just to do it herself buckled it for her, then herself. Olivia closed her eyes resting her head in the seat. Amanda seeing how sick she looked regretted not grabbing a garbage can now. She quickly pulled out and headed on home trying to race against crazy Manhattan traffic. She hoped Olivia could make it home without her stomach falling out.

Amanda peered over at Olivia here and there while driving to make sure she was still okay, she seemed to be half asleep now, and looked like her fever had gone up considerably.

When They finally made it at the entrance of Olivia apartment. Amanda parked her car in the garage. She unbuckled herself and Olivia as well. Amanda shut the car door behind her and rushed over to the other side of the car to get Olivia.

"I can get out myself Amanda," Olivia said in a painful whisper.

"Olivia benson!" Amanda says in a firm voice "I am carrying you weather you like it or not! I'm not having my girlfriend flat on the cement!" Olivia tried to say something but knew she couldn't fight with Amanda right now. Amanda gently once again wrapped her arms around Olivia, picks her up just like she'd done at work, kicking the car door shut behind her. She steadied herself then moved carrying Olivia into the apparment building. She opened the door with her shoulders and carried her to The elevator, Not letting go of Olivia. Once out of the elevator she moved steadily but quickly to the apartment, rushing to get her inside, realizing she also forgot to lock on her way out.

Amanda settled Olivia Down in the couch, pulling the Afghan over her now shivering form, she moved away, checking the apartment thouroughly now since having left the door unlocked. When she's satisfied that she's checked in every place imaginable, she moved to the bedroom grabbing some pajamas for Olivia, then a bottle of Gatorade from the refrigerator, the fever reducers had been left on the stand in the living room from the previous night. Sar the stuff on the stand and situated herself next to Olivia who was almost asleep again on the couch. Noticing the pinched expression on Olivia's face even while half asleep she seemed in pain and nauseous.

Amanda rubbed Olivia's cheek feeling the heat There instantly almost before her hand even touched her skin. She grabbed the thermometer from the stand, sliding it gently into her ear and waited a few second for the beeping signalling that it was done.

"Wow Liv, you're pretty hot there! 102.7" Amanda said grabbing for the rever reducer that sat right next where the thermometer had been.

"Really, cus' I I feel so cold!" Olivia said her voice sounding more raspy from coughing.

"I know honey, take these and it'll help that." Amanda handed her the pills and then then the Gatorade she's opened for her. Olivia swollowed then then eyes her cautiously not sure how well her stomach was going to handle the intrusion. Once she was sure that it wasn't going to make a reappearance, she slid down into the cushions closing her eyes against the aching in her head. She was exhausted. She could feel Amanda's hand rubbing small circles on her back and then playing gently with her soft hair which made her drift off without even realizing it.

Amanda continuing to rub Olivia's back in circles seeing Olivia fall into a deeper asleep, she could hear Her breathing heavily through her stuffy nose. Amanda moved her hand away slowly, looking at her with a smile and thinking to herself 'I'm so lucky to have her, but I feel so bad for the poor thing.'

Amanda gets up slowly as not to disturb her, and walked to the kitchen to grab a snack. She open the cabinets to look for something to eat but then soon realize she wasn't really that hungry so she grabbed a Apple out of the fruit bowl sitting on the counter, And place its on the counter to cut it. She grabbed a knife cutting it into eight, then put them into a bowl, returning to the living room she sat down quietly in the chair that was next to the couch, she looked over at Olivia who was sound asleep, still breathing heavily through her stuffy nose.

Observing Olivia, Amanda chuckled realizing just now the way she slept was so cute. She wondered why she didn't just open her mouth to make breathing easier, but since when did Olivia ever do anything the easy way. She shook her head, letting herself get lost in her thoughts, thinking about their now family of 5 they created including Frannie. She had been slowly moving things over to Olivia's place unnoticed by her coworkers. Olivia had the bigger place, and they couldn't keep their family apart anymore. Noah had insisted on calling Jessie his sister and truthfully to them she was his sister. Amanda smiled at the thought, her heart swelling with love and pride over what was finally hers, it seemed nothing short of a miracle to her. She knew Olivia was still trying to break down her walls as was she, it's definitely a work in progress. She thought of the mornings, waking up to see Olivia smiling back at her in the morning just watching her sleep for probably some time. Olivia was always the early riser. She could see the love in Olivia's eyes, something she'd never seen with anyone else, not ever.

Amanda jumped when she heard a key in the door forgetting that they'd asked Lucy to bring the kids back home. The door opens loudly as both kids run in, Amanda finger rushes to her lips, with her eyes wide, "shhh momma is asleep..." Both kids look tonthe couch for Olivia was still sound asleep and nod quetly now, Jessie putting a finger to her lips in a shhhh gesture as they walk the rest of the way in setting there bags onto the floor, before running over to hug Amanda tightly! "Mama missed you! They both said in unison. "I missed you guys too, but Lucy needs some rest so why don't we say goodbye okay, then we can do something quiet until mommy wakes up," both kids nodded enthusiastically running back to hug Lucy and tell her goodbye, Amanda thanked her for all she's done, and relieved her, sonshe could take some time to herself.

Amanda settled the kids down to watch TV for a while, while Olivia got the sleep her body needed to heal, she was absorbed in herself in the family movie she had put on when Olivia woke up, she sat up slowly smiling, just watching her family for a few moments before a cough wracked through her chest and broke the silence.

Amanda quickly turned looking at Olivia breathing heavy from the startle. "Well, good afternoon noon sleepy head" I say smiling while Noah and Jessie were to into the movie already to even nudge a muscle. Olivia gives her a small smile, "how long have they been home?" Olivia asked her voice sounding very raw. " a couple hours, can I eat you anything?" Amanda asked her moving to her side to feel for fever. She was still considerably warm. Olivia shook her head no, watching the kids as they turned around at the sound of the voices, their eyes lighting up when they saw Olivia was now awake, they both scrambled to their feet and ran for Olivia. Amanda quickly held a hand out to stop them momentarily, "easy guys mommy ain't feeling very well." "Okay Mama, they both climbed up and gently hugged Olivia. Olivia didn't dare kiss them and trying hard not to breathe on them as she held them in her embrace for a few minutes before they broke away, and went back to their movie.

"Liv, the soup from yesterday is still good, I think you should try, at least if you do feel sick again it won't hurt as badly" Amanda tried to rationalize with her. Olivia looked at her for a moment, thinking about it then nodding her approval reluctantly. "Good the kids can have some for dinner also, I'll go heat it up. We can all eat out here tonight" Amanda said moving to her feet, and quickly into the kitchen before Olivia had a chance to change her mind. She warmed up the suonshed made fresh yesterday in the microwave, easily preparing dinner for all of them. She added garlic bread sticks, and more pasta noodles tonthe soup. Olivia sat back quetly not sure what to make of hiwnshe felt at the moment but was glad she attests wasn't throwing up, both kids had since climbed up beside her and they watched the movie together as Amanda prepared dinner.

Amanda looked over to see Liv and the kids snuggled together watching the movie. She smiled not being able to help but think about how lucky she is, her family, even under not so nice circumstances made her more happy than anything every had in her entire life, she was lost in her thoughts when a moment later the microwave beeps Amanda quickly jumps and turned to the offensive noise having yet almost another scare of the day. She opened the microwave to take out the hot soup, and rushed it over to the table where she had put bowls and spoons down, She carfully tried not to spill the soup as she poured it into the glass bowls for herself and Olivia, and the pink plastic one for Jessie and the green plastic one for Noah. Olivia looked over at Amanda smiling giving intonthe same thoughts Amanda had moments earlier, even being sick she couldn't be happier that they had taken this leap of faith that comeleted them as a family and as a union in their own souls, she fully believed that they were meant to be, stuff she'd have never believed in before, soul mates and love that was meant just for her, Amanda proved this daily to her as well as her children did and she wanted nothing more out of life than what she had right now, it was perfect in their own way. She was pulled from her thoughts by Noah and Jessie tugging on her hand. "Common mommy, it's dinner time you space cadet," Noah said smiling victoriously having stolen the phrase from her as she'd often used it when Noah's mind wondered off from the task at hand.

Olivia laughed and moved to stand and join them at the table, she wasn't well yet, but she's try her best. She didn't exactly feel like throwing upnher toenails and hoped maybe it was finally ending. She places a kiss on Amanda's cheek before helping Noah settle in beside her, as Amanda put Jessie in her booster seat beside her. She smiled at Amanda lovingly. "Thanks, honey this smells and looks amazing!" She comimmentes her taking her hand from across the table and rubbing her thumb over Amanda's knuckles ina quiet thank you and apology for her stubborn behavior ealier that day. Ananda gavevgerva knowing look. She kissed Olivia's Hand "No problem my love" she replied smiling back at Olivia, and still can't help but think about what a wonderful gift she has right now at the moment "Okay lets enjoy dinner before it gets cold. Olivia removed her hand from Amanda's knuckles, they pick up their spoons and tried to test out the soup to see if it was cool enough to eat.

"Momma can noodles grow legs and run away?" Jessie asked innocently, Olivia almost spit out her mouth full of soup at the silly question. Noah also laughed beside her, but both let Amanda enlighten her daughter. "Well baby girl what makes you ask that?" Amanda chuckles looking at her daughter in amusement. "Well it just, it just keeps on running away from my spoon!" Jessie exclaimed putting her hands up in an I don't know expression. Noah no longer able to contain himself fell into a fit of giggles dropping his spoon into his bowl. Olivia laughed and ruffled Jessie's hair from across the table. "You are really one of a kind sweet girl," Olivia told her. "Of course they don't have legs sweetie," Amanda told her. "You just have to scoop them all up!" Noah interrupted showing her enthusiastically wth his own soup and shoving a spoon full of the noodles in his mouth. Causing more laughter to erupt from Amanda and Olivia,

They all have a laugh at the kids being silly, they continue to eat the soup "so Liv how are you feeling any better?" I ask starting a conversation from the odd silence there for a moment. Noah and Jessie perk up looking over at Liv.

"I umm, sorta maybe, I'm not sure yet," Olivia didn't want to share details over dinner. She scooped the chicken away from her bowl setting it aside on a small plate, Amanda figures she didn't want to chance it with her stomach but the broth would help out. Somehow this action sparks Noah's attention, he thanks for a moment before he speaks to ask his mother a question.

"Mommy are you a virgin? Noah asked watching her place her meat aside, Olivia's hand stopped its movements all together as she looked up at her son in both shock and amusement. "I don't know. What's a virgin?" She carefully asked him sure he had the wrong understanding for this by now. "A person who doesn't eat meat, duh!" Olivia bust out laughing choking slightly on the left over soup that was in her mouth. She can see Amanda erupting in laughter once again which didn't help, she had to spit her food into a napkin to keep from choking, Olivia laughed so hard tears came down her face as well as Amanda with both kids looking at them all the world confused...

"Noah," Olivia breathed trying to stop her laughter, what you are referring to sweet boy is a vegetarian, and no I am not, I'm just not in the mood for meat tonight buddy," she told him, easing the confusion just a little, Olivia secretly hoping he didn't now ask what a virgin really was since he'd had the word wrong.

Amanda looked at Olivia with her face bright pink from laughing so hard, she forces herself from laughing and sips on soup almost speechless on what to say to the kids and even to Liv, "why wer you all waffing? She asked in her sweet adorable young age voice, Amanda gets up to put Olivia's left overs into the fridge knowing she will not touch it the rest of the night with her upset stomach she has.

When they finally settled down they finished their meals, Olivia wanting to contribute some gave the kids both a bath as Amanda cleaned up from the late impromptu dinner. She sat next to the tub with each kid being safe not to over exert herself but her stomach wasn't exactly agreeing now with the soup, she didn't really want to say anything because they were enjoying their evening now, and she just prayed it would ease up ok it's own. She dressed the kids and sat with them on the couch to read a few stories before bedtime, Amanda joinig them giving the kids some hot chocolate while handing Olivia some herbal camomile and mint tea. She sipped it enjoying the sensation at the back of her throat, but it was immediate distaste when it hit her stomach. She made a face setting the cup down and tried to cover it up with continuing on with her story, yawning in between words, she was so tired even still, she hated being sick, although it rarely happened it always took her down hard.

Olivia Continued to read to The kids trying to stay into the book, but her stomach was now doing flips, and distracted her, she closed her eyes for a quick moment taken an even breath, then continued to read but her breathing was speeding up slightly, and she started to stop in between sentences. 'Of course it just had get worse she she thought, then turned looking at Amanda "Would you like to read?" She asked as she tried to cover up the fact that she her stomach was bothering her again, Amanda took the book out of her hand that Liv was handing to her and countined from where Olivia left off. Olivia took this moment to close her eyes and focus on her breathing, hoping to ease the nauseous feeling. When it only began to get worse, turning into a giant wave, she stood, lifting Jessie from her lap and setting her down on the sofa next to Noah. "Mommy! Don't you want to read stories with us?" Noah asked Olivia who started towards the bathroom. Olivia stopped looking back and feeling bad now for ruining the moment. Maybe she didn't have to ruin their evening. "Mommy Just has to use the bathroom Noah, I'll be back bud," Olivia told him, watching him nod she turned on heels and tried not to move to fast into the bathroom. Once inside Olivia sat shakily on the side of the tub, trying to focus on her breathing in a ditch attempt to calm her stomach. She was so tired of feeling sick, and the last high she wanted was to throw up yet again. She already put enough on Amanda, and even Lucy.

Olivia placed her hand on her stomach trying to hold back tears. She stayed in place, just sitting there, praying the nausea would just stop. Amanda finally finished up the story "the end" she said smiling at Noah and Jesse "Okay, guys bedtime" she said as both kids followed her into their room and climbed into bed. Amanda tucked them into the blankets "love you both! good night, and mommy will be in soon to say good night as well" both kids nodded tiredly saying good night back to Amanda as they waited for Liv. Amanda shut the door and turned the light off. She knew Liv was in the bathroom most likely sick again, so she walked toward the bathroom and knocked, hoping for Liv to respond.

"Oh no," Olivia thought... " I umm, I'll be right out." She said her voice failing her sounding much more weak. She leaned forward slightly taking deep breaths now trying to ward off the nausea with everything in her. Amanda didn't understand. She had this ridiculous fear of being sick that made no sense what so ever, she could be the tough cop and mom, but puking scared her? Something that your body did naturally, always sent her into a panic, and she has never been able to understand why, but also never has been able to get rid of the fear, she just thanked god she had a strong immune system, most of the time anyways. She cursed herself for letting herself get run down enough to catch a flu and become a burden on her family and others taking on extra work in their absence. Her hands were shaking now, as a tears slipped down her cheeks.

"Liv?" Amanda said as she knocked on the bathroom door "Can I please come in? I know you do not feel well. don't play hide and seek on me again" Amanda says jokingly but also at the same time worried about Olivia, because she knew that at any point in time, Liv could be sicker, and all she wanted to do is help her, and be there for her right by her side.

Olivia tired to think of something fast to say but failed, " I... I'm sorry," Amanda heard her through the door it sounded like she was crying. Amanda turned the nob, opening the door to reveal Olivia sitting shakily on the side of the tub. Olivia glanced up at her momentarily before putting her head back down her hair falling over her face once again as she looked down at the floor, feeling bad for ruining yet another night. Amanda noticed the tears wet on Olivia's face before she looked away, and her heart went out to her. She moved to Olivia's side. " what's wrong Liv? Why are you crying honey?" She asked. She moved Olivia's hair aside so that she could see her face which was very pale and feverish once again.

She gently put her hand under Olivia's chin urging her to look at her. Olivia wipes at her eyes but failed to stop the tears from falling as she now looked Amanda in the face. "I'm just... sorry, I'm not well and we were having a good night..." Olivia trailed off.

"Oh honey you did not ruin or get in the way, you cannot help being sick," Amanda says still holding Olivia's chin in place, she placed her thumb under Liv's eyes to wipe away the tears falling from her pale face. Liv moved her eyes off of Amanda feeling embarrassed and very nauseous. "Liv what all hurts?" She asked Olivia concerned.

Olivia pulled her head away, leaning forward holding her head and stomach now, and swallowing hard before she answered. "My...everything..." Olivia said thinking better of lying to Amanda and causing problems between them at the same time. "My head is pounding, nauseous and dizzy," Olivia told her, trying to stop the shaking on her hands at the panic that bubbled up inside of her over the thought of being sick again. Olivia clutched at her stomach. Leaning forward slightly, wiping her face with one hand once again.

Amanda placed her hand on Liv's back, moving in circles trying to help calm her down "shhh my love it's gonna be ok" Olivia looked up at Amanda trying to keep her eyes focused from the dizziness, and gives a small watery smile. Liv held her stomach as she is trying so hard not to get sick but she could feel in her throat.

Amanda noticed Olivia jerk and knew that she was going to throw up any minute possibly any second she quickly raced out of the bathroom door into the kitchen looking for the mop bucket knowing Olivia was probably way to dizzy. She opened the closet door looking up on the top shelf for the bucket "damn it where did those goofball kids put it" She looked over to the floor of the closet having a blonde moment where it was sitting right in front of her face the entire time "aha" she said as she grabbed it and rushed back into the bathroom yet again trying not to step or trip over the toys scattered all over.

Olivia looked up at her, she shook her head at her. "I can't move Amanda..." she trailed off. "You don't have to that's why I got the bucket, I don't want you passing out on me" Amanda's hand reached her back again rubbing it in circles and held the bucket in front of Olivia for her. Olivia grabbed for the bucket with her hands shaking. "I don't want to..." she told Amanda in a small voice. She Plaved a hand firmly over her lips shaking her head, trying her hardest to hold it in.

Amanda gave Olivia an odd look "honey why are you fighting so hard?" Amanda asked trying to look into her eyes but Olivia is starring into the bucket with her hand still over her mouth. Amanda moved her hand onto Liv's forehead feeling for a tempature "Oh my Livy love you are burning up!" She says in shock, but waiting to get the thermometer because she didn't want to leave Olivia like this, in fear of her passing out.

"It's stupid..." Olivia said between her fingers leaning more into the bucket. "You wouldn't understand," she said barely above a whisper. "Olivia what ever it is I'm sure I'll understand, we are all human, I love you we will figure it out, I promise but you are making yourself suffer longer..." Amanda's voice trailed off as she felt Olivia Tense up. "It... I don't know why it scares me, it's stupid, I've been scared of being sick since I can remember..." Olivia pitched forward losing control fast and began vomiting despite all her efforts not to, into the bucket she held tightly onto now. Amanda quickly scooted closer to Olivia and holds her hair back with one hand and with her other hand on her back "shhh Livy shhh" Amanda said calmly and supportive wondering to herself *I hope after she gets all of that out of her system she will feel better* Olivia Still continued throwing up violently out of her control, crying at the same time and trying to catch her breath. "Take it easy Liv, try to breathe honey," Amanda encouraged her helping her gain control of her breathing and convulsing stomach. Olivia heaved again coughing then breathing heavily, leaning her weight into Amanda as she closed her eyes, "dizzy," she whispered. "I know," Ananda set the bucket in the floor pulling Olivia more into her arms letting her rest against her as her body began to calm down again. "So tired..." Olivia's voice was barely audible. "Okay, shhh breathe sweetie, we will get toyninto bed just try to settle for a few minutes. Olivia nodded, as Amanda alternated between rubbing her back and rubbing her fingers over Olivia's hair to help sooth and calm her.

Once Olivia was finally calm, Amanda cleaned out the bucket and helped her back to bed setting the bucket beside the bed just Incase it was needed in the middle of the night. Olivia seemed to feel a lot better than she did earlier in the bathroom and settled in falling asleep fast as Amanda climbed in bed and pulled Olivia close to her sonshe could feel her move if she fell asleep. Amanda continued to run her hand through Olivia's soft hair even after she'd fallen into a more peaceful sleep, soon falling asleep herself.

The next morning Amanda opened her eyes to Jessie taking her shoulder, she looked over at Olivia still fast asleep in her arms, and smiled as she realized Olivia had gotten through the night without being sick again, and was still very fast alseep, knowing she needed the sleep, she quited the kids beside her and gently removed her arms from Olivia, she only stirred to find a better position and she was fast asleep once again, Amanda also noticed her fevervhad broken finally, she hurried the kids out of the room and into the kitchen to make them breakfast. Olivia had finally opened up to her, thank god she though outing cereal as per the kids choice for the morning.

After breakfast Amanda occupied the kids with coloring books and cartoons letting Olivia sleep as long as possible. She had gotten sockered into climbing in the floor with the kids and coloring with them, after they'd excitedly begged her to help make mommy some pictures.

It was around 11 before Olivia had finally passed out of into the living room hearing small giggles dork both her kids and Amanda's bushes voice, she pulled her sweater around herself and smiled watching the scene in front of her. Amanda hasn't run because she has the most ridiculous fear, of that she let her walls down, in fact she stayed and did more than anyone ever had. Her family in front of her. She pulled her phone out of her sweater pocket she'd placed there before leaving the bed and snapped a few pictures of the bunch before Amanda took notice of her presence. Hearing the last camera shot Amanda turned around smiling at Olivia who looked a million times better than she had the night before.

Amanda pulled herself into a standing position joining Olivia on the sofa, "How are you feeling?" Amanda asked her, making sure. " much better, thank you Amanda for taking care of me and the kids these last few days, I know I've been really stubborn." Amanda smiled, "well that makes to of us, she moved into Olivia's embrace and the two watched the kids together, laughing out loud as they'd both reach for the same crayon, then both finally noticing their mothers snuggled up on the couch and joined them finishing cartoons on the warm embraces of each other.


	3. Im gonna Love You Through It

Olivia had never felt more safe than she did in this very moment when she woke again a short time later a little confused as to why she's woken up as she realized she and Amanda were very much tangled together with both of Amanda's arms wrapped around Olivia securely as if she was afraid she disappear in her sleep.

She realized then what had woken her when her stomach rolled almost dangerously once again this time more insistent than the first time. She needed to figure out how to get out of the mess of limbs and blankets and soon. Olivia tried to move feeling shaky and weak. Amanda was out cold and snoring at that she was stuck in the blankets and under the dead weight of the smaller detective.

Olivia kept trying over and over to move as much as she could, giving up, She finally found her voice a little afraid she'd be sick right then and there. "Amanda..." She pleaded weakly and Olivia pushed harder at Amanda's arms still feeling weak as can be. Amanda options ened her eyes confused about what was happening she felt Olivia push at her again, "Amanda think I'm going to be sick you really have to move please!" Came Olivia's frantic voice again, Amandas eyes shot open quickly this time hearing her very clearly now with panic coloring her words. She sat up moving fast to untangle the blankets from Olivia, so she could get into the bathroom in time hopefully, once released Amanda was at her side helping her as she tried to sprint to the bathroom but only succeeding in stumbling forward a few steps on her own.

Amanda wrapped an arm around Olivia waist hoisting her with her quickly cursing herself for not bringing a bucket into the bedroom for Her just Incase when they'd moved to the bedroom. Once into the bathroom Olivia fell to her knees in front of the toilet. She was visibly shaking at this point which concerned Amanda until she realized it was more of a panic when she saw the fearful look on Olivia's face.

"Sweetie, it's going to be okay, I'm right here baby, I know you feel horrible, I'm so sorry, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere," Amanda rubbed Olivia's back feeling her trembling body that just now became wracked with a cough that was no help to the nausea she felt very intensely already. Olivia hates throwing up it scared her because she could never catch her breath, she didn't want to tell Amanda that she was afraid of such an stupid thing, she felt vulnerable.

Olivia's stomach clenched again she was quickly losing her control over her body once again, she just wanted to cry. She pulled herself forward hanging her head over the bowl gagging convulsively as Amanda rubbed a hand up and down her back speaking soothing words, and holding her hair with her other hand. 'This was going to be a long. Night,' Amanda thought to herself. She felt so bad for Olivia right now. This was not how she envisioned spending time with the woman she loved and she hates to see her suffer like so.

Olivia retched again violently throwing up for the second time tonight as Amanda continued to soothe her also adding a cool wash towel on the back of Olivia's neck. She continued to rub Olivias back until she leaned into her gasping for air at her oxygen deprived lungs. She was still so tired. She leaned back into Amanda's shoulder closing her eyes.

"Honey let's get you back to bed," Amanda said moving her hair out of her face. Olivia simply nodded her eyes still closed.

Amanda helped Liv to her feet and back to her bedroom settling her back into bed, this time she got smart and brought the mop bucket but Liv was asleep before she could even climb back into bed herself, Amanda gently climbed back into bed unable to stop her exhaustion from consuming her once her head hit the pillows again.

The next time Olivia opened her eyes she looked at the clock noticing it was 5:30 AM she's forgotten that Lucy was coming to collect some things for Noah and Jessie, she text Lucy telling her she was feeling much better and that she would be going to work, if she wanted to keep them with her for one more day to be sure, she is welcome to come get what ever was needed.

Olivia quietly slipped out of bed, sure not to disturb Amanda since she hadn't gotten much sleep. She couldn't let being sick keep her from getting her job done. She quietly grabbed an outfit from her closet shivering slightly, and opting for something warmer today. She moved slowly to the bathroom after looking to be sure Amanda was still asleep. Olivia dressed and gathered up some things for the kids so Lucy wouldn't wake Amanda when she came in.

Olivia poured herself a large cup of coffee that had been timed the night before. Her head hurt, her body hurt and her stomach rolled at the coffee she put into but she willed her body to cooperate with her. She grabbed her keys from the bowl on the counter picking up the bag for Lucy on her way, as expected Lucy has knocked just as she did both kids at her side.

"Momma!" both kids cried out in unison as they clung to each of her legs.

"Hey Do you two remember the quiet game momma taught you? Mommy is asleep still so we have to be quite okay," Olivia said kneeling down to rub her sons hair but avoided kissing either one of them, knowing full well she was still sick and contagious. She handed Lucy the bag. Lucy smiled taking It. Liv decided to walk out with them after making sure she had her purse keys and phone, she locked the door behind her.

After waving goodbye Olivia climbed into her own car and drove off to get started on work that she's missed yesterday. She didn't want Amanda to think she was weak. She already felt so vulnerable. She was determined today. She didn't want to lose her like everyone else.

Waking into the office she pulled her coat tighter around herself, deciding she'd most likely be the first one there until she saw Fin's car.

Olivia tried her best to look and act as normal as possible as she walked into the office, she thought she had it pulled off having said good morning to her Sergeant.

She reached for the door handle to her office just as he met up with her touching her arm gently. She almost rolled her eyes but instead forced a smile, and looked at him.

"Olivia, you're sick what are you doing here? Amanda practically dragged your ass out of here yesterday." Fin asked her.

Olivia Avoided looking into his eye instead she looked towards her door, " I'm feeling much better today, must have just been some 24 hour thing. I have a lot of work to catch up on now," Olivia Smiled trying to make herself look reassuring.

"Sure Liv...of course, but hey if you need anything holler okay?" Fin retreated knowing not to push it.

"Sure thing Fin, thanks."

She had to put an act on, but made it into her office not knowing that Fin didn't buy her act for one second. Feeling lightheaded she sat heavily into her desk chair waiting a few moments to clear her vision before taking out her laptop and powering it on. She began working trying to forget the ache in her body, and the relentless nausea, the heading clawing at her temples yet again.

Fin sat back at his desk, thinking about how exactly Olivia may have gotten past Amanda, and why didn't they come into work together, he thought for a second, glancing over at Olivia's office door when he heard a rough sounding cough from inside. He knew Olivia very well, she must have scammed her way past Amanda, maybe he could get her help on the matter at hand, he knew she wasn't due at work for another couple of hours. He wondered if maybe Olivia and her had gotten into an argument but then thought the better of it as he pulled out his phone, deciding to shoot Amanda a text message.

Amanda still in bed slightly awake, on the other side of the bed she heard her phone going off. She opened her eyes, waking fully to the ring tone that Olivia set for her on there first date, she noticed Olivia's side of the Bed was empty. Maybe she was in the bathroom again she thought. She picked up her phone, noticing that she had a text from fin

 ** _Text message_**

 _"yo Amanda you up?_

Amanda replied back blinking her eyes to clear them of sleep.

 _"yes I am now thanks to you,what's up?"_

Amanda still wondering where Olivia was, having not heard any movement from her anywhere.

Fin typed at his computer listening once again to Olivia cough, he was just about to text Amanda again when her text dinged through. He picked it up reading Amanda's message and responded back.

 _"Well Olivia looks like hell! She sounds it to girl, what you doing letting your girlfriend come to work like this?"_

 _"Hi just kidding though, I know how Olivia can be, everything alright? She sounds pretty rough Amanda, she tryin to play it off like nothing is wrong at all here."_

Amanda looks at her phone shocked at Fins text. She replied back quickly.

 _"Fin, oh my god, I had no idea she even left! I was just wondering where she went as you texted me! she's so stubborn I swear._

Amanda gets up out of bed and just noticing the time was 6:40am she had to get ready for work.

Fin heard his phone ding once again, looking at her reply he wasn't the least bit shocked when he read that Olivia had slipped right past a sleeping Amanda. He knew how she was. He also knew she was afraid of people leaving her or looking weak, she had a fear that if she shown her vulnerable side she'd lose Amanda like she'd lost Elliot and Brian, and others. Fin also knew those feelings as legit as they felt to Olivia were not the truth, and Amanda would not leave her for something as trivial as that.

 _"She's here and she sick as hell Amanda. You on your way in? Maybe you'll have better luck talking to her stubborn ass than me._ "

Amanda replied back quickly,

 _"on my way soon fin."_

Amanda rushing to get dressed, brushing her hair and teeth. She had a set of files on the kitchen table she went to grab but realized they were missing. Amanda thought to herself that Olivia must have taken them when she left. Amanda really hoped that Olivia had them as she grabbed her keys off the kitchen counter, she sprinted out of the building and hopped in her car, driving off, trying to rush through morning Manhattan traffic. She made it there in record timing, knowing she'd have her hands full now. She sprinted into the 1-6 not wasting any time.

She didn't even take time to grab coffee on the way, she was worried about Olivia, her mind only on that. She noticed Carisi entering the building behind her but didn't stay behind to chat. She met up with Fin, giving him a knowing look. "Where is she? Her office?" Amanda asked him. Fin took off his glasses and nodded.

"Amanda go easy on her, this is hard for her."

Olivia's hands were on her temples, she tried her hardest to concentrate on the work before her, but she felt like hell and was almost really regretting her decision to come back into work now. Her stomach made itself known again rolling against the bitter coffee she put into it.

Amanda walked away from Fins desk, and to the door to Olivia's office. She swung the door open not even knocking this time. She looked at Olivia narrowing her eyes at her. "Surprised to see you here?" Amanda said sarcastically

Liv jumped at the sound of her voice, she looked at her shocked, why didn't she think this part through?... She opened her mouth to say something, but then just shut it again biting her lip to will away the tears that threatened. She was unsure why she even wanted to cry. Maybe it was the illness, or the thought of Amanda being mad at her, maybe both. She watched as Amanda approached her desk and suddenly she was nervous.

Amanda stopped at Olivia's desk and looking at her, but Olivia looked down as a tear rolled down her face. Amanda felt bad. She looked down at the ground as well. "Liv, why are you here? you can't work, you are sick and need rest" Amanda said calmly. Olivia looked up at her hesitantly wiping the tears from her face, cursing herself for her lack of control over her emotions. Her bottom lip still trembling. "I'm sorry Amanda, I just..." she broke off her stomach rolling more, and tears brimming her eyes once again.

She took a deep breathe trying to regain her composure. "I just have a lot of work to do Amanda, crime just doesn't call in sick" her voice sounded much more strained than she intended. Amanda looked at her trying to choose her words wisely. She studied her for a moment, trying to think of her next move without scaring Olivia off. Olivia clutched unconsciously at her rolling stomach. Noticing Amanda wasn't saying anything back, somehow made her more nervous, since when was she the nervous type? Since she realized she fell head over heels in love with the very woman standing in front of her... she answered her own questioning thoughts. She could hear the morning bustle outside the office now, She was about to speak again when her stomach did a dive summersault type thing leaving her feeling extremely nauseous.

Amanda studied Olivia's face seeing her go a few shades paler than she was a moment ago, She recognized that face she made, as the one she seen the night before when she was feeling nauseous.

"Liv, honey, are you going to be sick?" Amanda asked in a worried tone, Olivia swallowed hard, looking like she would vomit any second now. Olivia didn't say anything, afraid that if she did, she's lose her stomach right then and there. Amanda thinking quickly, rushed over to grab a garbage can from the right side of her desk, rushing it back over to Olivia, setting it into her lap, then moving behind her to comfort her by rubbing her back.

Olivia felt shaky, and knew she was visibly shaking by now. She hated being sick, and her body wasn't giving her much a choice in the matter. She held the trashcan with both hands waiting for the next wave of nausea to hit, praying maybe it would just pass, her stomach clenched, she swollowed several times, in an attempt to dispel the feeling. She hung her head above the trash can afraid to move. Amanda still rubbing circles on her back soothingly. She could feel her trembling beneath her hand.

"It's okay Liv, honey I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." Amanda said reassuring her, just as she heard a knock at Olivia's Office door.

"Just a minute!" Amanda called out to them, As Olivia is still shaky with her head over the trash can. Amanda continues to rub her back, feeling her tense up, then Olivia lost it, her stomach let loose she started vomiting. Tears made tracks down her face, Amanda seeing the fear in her face, squats down to look at her. "I'm going to go get some paper towels ok baby, stay put I'll be right back" Amanda said in a calm voice. She stands up and walks out of Olivia's office shutting door behind her, she noticed her coworkers looking her way as well people out there. Her only focus was Olivia as rushed to the bathroom to grab some paper towels, she rushed back just as fast re-entering Olivia's office she shut the door behind her and rushes over to Liv, handing her the paper towels. Olivia wipes her mouth, tears still running down her face that Amanda wipes away saying "shh I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Are you feeling any better?" Amanda asked

Olivia nodded, afraid to even speak at this point, she shakily set the trashcan down on the floor. Sitting back up a bit painfully. "I'm sorry," she whspiered looking up at Amanda, just as another knock sounded on the door of her office.

"Liv, honey don't ever be sorry for being sick, it's not something that you can control. I'm here for you in every way you need me to be, even if you don't see that you need me to be. Amanda gently ran her fingers over Olivia's cheek, smiling at her. The woman she loved to the very core, was stunningly beautiful even at her worst of times. "I love you Livvie, I'm here no matter what, I'm going to see who keeps knocking at the door though just Incase it's something important. I'll be right back." Olivia Nodded feeling suddenly really exhausted.

Amanda reached the door cracking it open just enough for whonever is was not to see into the office and see Olivia in this state. She was relieved to see that it was Fin.

"Everything okay in here Amanda?" Fin asked her in concern, he's noticed they'd been in there for quite some time, and also noticed Amanda run out, and back into the office.

"Yeah, she's okay now. Her stomach said nope not today! poor Liv," Amanda replied looking back over at Olivia who was looking down at the ground. Amanda could tell there could be something more going on..she seems worried, or scared, maybe embarrassed... Fin interrupted her thoughts saying "She is going home right?" He asked in suspension.

"I'm working on it Fin, I'll get her home one way or another. You got this place covered for us Sarge?" She asked patting his shoulder, she noticed Carisi's eyes on her as well as Their ADA who seems to appear out of thin air. Alex was a great friend but for now she wasn't going to push the envelope anymore, not until she knew what was going on in Olivia's head. She definitely wasn't acting herself.

"I've got it Amanda, you work on her, I'll keep things tight around here." Fin said waving her off so she can return to Olivia.

Amanda closed the door gently returning to Olivia, in hopes to figure out what was bothering her. She set a hand on her shoulder, Liv finally looking up front he floor, her features ashen. She tried once again to bite back tears, she wasn't even sure why because this was comepletely Unlike her, even alone. Her stomach rolled again. Deciding she's had enough, maybe she should just trust It for now. Take things as they come. She wasn't getting any work done anyway. "Amanda...I'm really not feeling well, please... I'm sorry I snuck back into work, it was really stupid of me to do. please take me home?" Olivia's lip trembeld at the threat of tears. She must really feel miserable to admit defeat, while fighting to keep her emotions in check also.

Amanda feelt bad for Olivia "yes, we are going to get you home okay, I'm gonna pack up your things and we will leave" she says as she rubs her back. Amanda gets up and grabs Olivia's purse and laptop and carries it out handing it to Fin who'd offered to bring their stuff to her car. Amanda returned quickly to Olivia, helping her stand out of her chair by placing Olivia's arm over her shoulders helping her up. Olivia felt wobbly and light headed and she felt her stomach drop.

Olivia stopped in her tracks, standing stock still, she closed her eyes swallowing over and over, in an attempt to keep the nausea at bay. "Oh god," she whispered out loud by accident. Amanda waiting patiently for her to catch her bearings hopefully. The room seemed to just spin around her making her feel even worse. She was no absolutely sure she's never felt this sick before.

Amanda realized Liv was really dizzy and knew she could lose her stomach any minute so she risked it by picking Olivia up bridal style to carry her out her car.

"Amanda...I can walk! I'm to big for you to carry, put me down!" Olivia Protested.

"No way Liv, you looked like you were going to face plant the floor! You are not to heavy now stop arguing!" Amanda looked at firmly.

"Amanda..." Liv whined.

"To bad Liv we aren't going to have you collapsing on the floor! Would you rather that Happen? Because if it does I'll be calling a bus, and you'll be strapped to a gourney in front of everyone instead." Amanda told her matter of factly. This time Liv just gave her a look and closed her mouth.

Amanda cofidently hoisted Olivia in her arms and walked out the door of the 1-6, not caring what type of stares she was sure to have received on her way out. She moved as fast as she can to the car, she rushed into work so fast she forgot to lock her doors thank god Fin brought the stuff down for her. she opened the passenger side door with her foot then sat Olivia down in the seat gently, shutting the door and ran over to the other side of the car and hopped in. She looked to be sure all their work things were indeed in the back seat, which there where 2 car seats Noah's and Jessie Fin had put the bags on the floor of the car. She watched Liv struggle with her buckle deciding just to do it herself buckled it for her, then herself. Olivia closed her eyes resting her head in the seat. Amanda seeing how sick she looked regretted not grabbing a garbage can now. She quickly pulled out and headed on home trying to race against crazy Manhattan traffic. She hoped Olivia could make it home without her stomach falling out.

Amanda peered over at Olivia here and there while driving to make sure she was still okay, she seemed to be half asleep now, and looked like her fever had gone up considerably.

When They finally made it at the entrance of Olivia apartment. Amanda parked her car in the garage. She unbuckled herself and Olivia as well. Amanda shut the car door behind her and rushed over to the other side of the car to get Olivia.

"I can get out myself Amanda," Olivia said in a painful whisper.

"Olivia benson!" Amanda says in a firm voice "I am carrying you weather you like it or not! I'm not having my girlfriend flat on the cement!" Olivia tried to say something but knew she couldn't fight with Amanda right now. Amanda gently once again wrapped her arms around Olivia, picks her up just like she'd done at work, kicking the car door shut behind her. She steadied herself then moved carrying Olivia into the apparment building. She opened the door with her shoulders and carried her to The elevator, Not letting go of Olivia. Once out of the elevator she moved steadily but quickly to the apartment, rushing to get her inside, realizing she also forgot to lock on her way out.

Amanda settled Olivia Down in the couch, pulling the Afghan over her now shivering form, she moved away, checking the apartment thouroughly now since having left the door unlocked. When she's satisfied that she's checked in every place imaginable, she moved to the bedroom grabbing some pajamas for Olivia, then a bottle of Gatorade from the refrigerator, the fever reducers had been left on the stand in the living room from the previous night. Sar the stuff on the stand and situated herself next to Olivia who was almost asleep again on the couch. Noticing the pinched expression on Olivia's face even while half asleep she seemed in pain and nauseous.

Amanda rubbed Olivia's cheek feeling the heat There instantly almost before her hand even touched her skin. She grabbed the thermometer from the stand, sliding it gently into her ear and waited a few second for the beeping signalling that it was done.

"Wow Liv, you're pretty hot there! 102.7" Amanda said grabbing for the rever reducer that sat right next where the thermometer had been.

"Really, cus' I I feel so cold!" Olivia said her voice sounding more raspy from coughing.

"I know honey, take these and it'll help that." Amanda handed her the pills and then then the Gatorade she's opened for her. Olivia swollowed then then eyes her cautiously not sure how well her stomach was going to handle the intrusion. Once she was sure that it wasn't going to make a reappearance, she slid down into the cushions closing her eyes against the aching in her head. She was exhausted. She could feel Amanda's hand rubbing small circles on her back and then playing gently with her soft hair which made her drift off without even realizing it.

Amanda continuing to rub Olivia's back in circles seeing Olivia fall into a deeper asleep, she could hear Her breathing heavily through her stuffy nose. Amanda moved her hand away slowly, looking at her with a smile and thinking to herself 'I'm so lucky to have her, but I feel so bad for the poor thing.'

Amanda gets up slowly as not to disturb her, and walked to the kitchen to grab a snack. She open the cabinets to look for something to eat but then soon realize she wasn't really that hungry so she grabbed a Apple out of the fruit bowl sitting on the counter, And place its on the counter to cut it. She grabbed a knife cutting it into eight, then put them into a bowl, returning to the living room she sat down quietly in the chair that was next to the couch, she looked over at Olivia who was sound asleep, still breathing heavily through her stuffy nose.

Observing Olivia, Amanda chuckled realizing just now the way she slept was so cute. She wondered why she didn't just open her mouth to make breathing easier, but since when did Olivia ever do anything the easy way. She shook her head, letting herself get lost in her thoughts, thinking about their now family of 5 they created including Frannie. She had been slowly moving things over to Olivia's place unnoticed by her coworkers. Olivia had the bigger place, and they couldn't keep their family apart anymore. Noah had insisted on calling Jessie his sister and truthfully to them she was his sister. Amanda smiled at the thought, her heart swelling with love and pride over what was finally hers, it seemed nothing short of a miracle to her. She knew Olivia was still trying to break down her walls as was she, it's definitely a work in progress. She thought of the mornings, waking up to see Olivia smiling back at her in the morning just watching her sleep for probably some time. Olivia was always the early riser. She could see the love in Olivia's eyes, something she'd never seen with anyone else, not ever.

Amanda jumped when she heard a key in the door forgetting that they'd asked Lucy to bring the kids back home. The door opens loudly as both kids run in, Amanda finger rushes to her lips, with her eyes wide, "shhh momma is asleep..." Both kids look tonthe couch for Olivia was still sound asleep and nod quetly now, Jessie putting a finger to her lips in a shhhh gesture as they walk the rest of the way in setting there bags onto the floor, before running over to hug Amanda tightly! "Mama missed you! They both said in unison. "I missed you guys too, but Lucy needs some rest so why don't we say goodbye okay, then we can do something quiet until mommy wakes up," both kids nodded enthusiastically running back to hug Lucy and tell her goodbye, Amanda thanked her for all she's done, and relieved her, sonshe could take some time to herself.

Amanda settled the kids down to watch TV for a while, while Olivia got the sleep her body needed to heal, she was absorbed in herself in the family movie she had put on when Olivia woke up, she sat up slowly smiling, just watching her family for a few moments before a cough wracked through her chest and broke the silence.

Amanda quickly turned looking at Olivia breathing heavy from the startle. "Well, good afternoon noon sleepy head" I say smiling while Noah and Jessie were to into the movie already to even nudge a muscle. Olivia gives her a small smile, "how long have they been home?" Olivia asked her voice sounding very raw. " a couple hours, can I eat you anything?" Amanda asked her moving to her side to feel for fever. She was still considerably warm. Olivia shook her head no, watching the kids as they turned around at the sound of the voices, their eyes lighting up when they saw Olivia was now awake, they both scrambled to their feet and ran for Olivia. Amanda quickly held a hand out to stop them momentarily, "easy guys mommy ain't feeling very well." "Okay Mama, they both climbed up and gently hugged Olivia. Olivia didn't dare kiss them and trying hard not to breathe on them as she held them in her embrace for a few minutes before they broke away, and went back to their movie.

"Liv, the soup from yesterday is still good, I think you should try, at least if you do feel sick again it won't hurt as badly" Amanda tried to rationalize with her. Olivia looked at her for a moment, thinking about it then nodding her approval reluctantly. "Good the kids can have some for dinner also, I'll go heat it up. We can all eat out here tonight" Amanda said moving to her feet, and quickly into the kitchen before Olivia had a chance to change her mind. She warmed up the suonshed made fresh yesterday in the microwave, easily preparing dinner for all of them. She added garlic bread sticks, and more pasta noodles tonthe soup. Olivia sat back quetly not sure what to make of hiwnshe felt at the moment but was glad she attests wasn't throwing up, both kids had since climbed up beside her and they watched the movie together as Amanda prepared dinner.

Amanda looked over to see Liv and the kids snuggled together watching the movie. She smiled not being able to help but think about how lucky she is, her family, even under not so nice circumstances made her more happy than anything every had in her entire life, she was lost in her thoughts when a moment later the microwave beeps Amanda quickly jumps and turned to the offensive noise having yet almost another scare of the day. She opened the microwave to take out the hot soup, and rushed it over to the table where she had put bowls and spoons down, She carfully tried not to spill the soup as she poured it into the glass bowls for herself and Olivia, and the pink plastic one for Jessie and the green plastic one for Noah. Olivia looked over at Amanda smiling giving intonthe same thoughts Amanda had moments earlier, even being sick she couldn't be happier that they had taken this leap of faith that comeleted them as a family and as a union in their own souls, she fully believed that they were meant to be, stuff she'd have never believed in before, soul mates and love that was meant just for her, Amanda proved this daily to her as well as her children did and she wanted nothing more out of life than what she had right now, it was perfect in their own way. She was pulled from her thoughts by Noah and Jessie tugging on her hand. "Common mommy, it's dinner time you space cadet," Noah said smiling victoriously having stolen the phrase from her as she'd often used it when Noah's mind wondered off from the task at hand.

Olivia laughed and moved to stand and join them at the table, she wasn't well yet, but she's try her best. She didn't exactly feel like throwing upnher toenails and hoped maybe it was finally ending. She places a kiss on Amanda's cheek before helping Noah settle in beside her, as Amanda put Jessie in her booster seat beside her. She smiled at Amanda lovingly. "Thanks, honey this smells and looks amazing!" She comimmentes her taking her hand from across the table and rubbing her thumb over Amanda's knuckles ina quiet thank you and apology for her stubborn behavior ealier that day. Ananda gavevgerva knowing look. She kissed Olivia's Hand "No problem my love" she replied smiling back at Olivia, and still can't help but think about what a wonderful gift she has right now at the moment "Okay lets enjoy dinner before it gets cold. Olivia removed her hand from Amanda's knuckles, they pick up their spoons and tried to test out the soup to see if it was cool enough to eat.

"Momma can noodles grow legs and run away?" Jessie asked innocently, Olivia almost spit out her mouth full of soup at the silly question. Noah also laughed beside her, but both let Amanda enlighten her daughter. "Well baby girl what makes you ask that?" Amanda chuckles looking at her daughter in amusement. "Well it just, it just keeps on running away from my spoon!" Jessie exclaimed putting her hands up in an I don't know expression. Noah no longer able to contain himself fell into a fit of giggles dropping his spoon into his bowl. Olivia laughed and ruffled Jessie's hair from across the table. "You are really one of a kind sweet girl," Olivia told her. "Of course they don't have legs sweetie," Amanda told her. "You just have to scoop them all up!" Noah interrupted showing her enthusiastically wth his own soup and shoving a spoon full of the noodles in his mouth. Causing more laughter to erupt from Amanda and Olivia,

They all have a laugh at the kids being silly, they continue to eat the soup "so Liv how are you feeling any better?" I ask starting a conversation from the odd silence there for a moment. Noah and Jessie perk up looking over at Liv.

"I umm, sorta maybe, I'm not sure yet," Olivia didn't want to share details over dinner. She scooped the chicken away from her bowl setting it aside on a small plate, Amanda figures she didn't want to chance it with her stomach but the broth would help out. Somehow this action sparks Noah's attention, he thanks for a moment before he speaks to ask his mother a question.

"Mommy are you a virgin? Noah asked watching her place her meat aside, Olivia's hand stopped its movements all together as she looked up at her son in both shock and amusement. "I don't know. What's a virgin?" She carefully asked him sure he had the wrong understanding for this by now. "A person who doesn't eat meat, duh!" Olivia bust out laughing choking slightly on the left over soup that was in her mouth. She can see Amanda erupting in laughter once again which didn't help, she had to spit her food into a napkin to keep from choking, Olivia laughed so hard tears came down her face as well as Amanda with both kids looking at them all the world confused...

"Noah," Olivia breathed trying to stop her laughter, what you are referring to sweet boy is a vegetarian, and no I am not, I'm just not in the mood for meat tonight buddy," she told him, easing the confusion just a little, Olivia secretly hoping he didn't now ask what a virgin really was since he'd had the word wrong.

Amanda looked at Olivia with her face bright pink from laughing so hard, she forces herself from laughing and sips on soup almost speechless on what to say to the kids and even to Liv, "why wer you all waffing? She asked in her sweet adorable young age voice, Amanda gets up to put Olivia's left overs into the fridge knowing she will not touch it the rest of the night with her upset stomach she has.

When they finally settled down they finished their meals, Olivia wanting to contribute some gave the kids both a bath as Amanda cleaned up from the late impromptu dinner. She sat next to the tub with each kid being safe not to over exert herself but her stomach wasn't exactly agreeing now with the soup, she didn't really want to say anything because they were enjoying their evening now, and she just prayed it would ease up ok it's own. She dressed the kids and sat with them on the couch to read a few stories before bedtime, Amanda joinig them giving the kids some hot chocolate while handing Olivia some herbal camomile and mint tea. She sipped it enjoying the sensation at the back of her throat, but it was immediate distaste when it hit her stomach. She made a face setting the cup down and tried to cover it up with continuing on with her story, yawning in between words, she was so tired even still, she hated being sick, although it rarely happened it always took her down hard.

Olivia Continued to read to The kids trying to stay into the book, but her stomach was now doing flips, and distracted her, she closed her eyes for a quick moment taken an even breath, then continued to read but her breathing was speeding up slightly, and she started to stop in between sentences. 'Of course it just had get worse she she thought, then turned looking at Amanda "Would you like to read?" She asked as she tried to cover up the fact that she her stomach was bothering her again, Amanda took the book out of her hand that Liv was handing to her and countined from where Olivia left off. Olivia took this moment to close her eyes and focus on her breathing, hoping to ease the nauseous feeling. When it only began to get worse, turning into a giant wave, she stood, lifting Jessie from her lap and setting her down on the sofa next to Noah. "Mommy! Don't you want to read stories with us?" Noah asked Olivia who started towards the bathroom. Olivia stopped looking back and feeling bad now for ruining the moment. Maybe she didn't have to ruin their evening. "Mommy Just has to use the bathroom Noah, I'll be back bud," Olivia told him, watching him nod she turned on heels and tried not to move to fast into the bathroom. Once inside Olivia sat shakily on the side of the tub, trying to focus on her breathing in a ditch attempt to calm her stomach. She was so tired of feeling sick, and the last high she wanted was to throw up yet again. She already put enough on Amanda, and even Lucy.

Olivia placed her hand on her stomach trying to hold back tears. She stayed in place, just sitting there, praying the nausea would just stop. Amanda finally finished up the story "the end" she said smiling at Noah and Jesse "Okay, guys bedtime" she said as both kids followed her into their room and climbed into bed. Amanda tucked them into the blankets "love you both! good night, and mommy will be in soon to say good night as well" both kids nodded tiredly saying good night back to Amanda as they waited for Liv. Amanda shut the door and turned the light off. She knew Liv was in the bathroom most likely sick again, so she walked toward the bathroom and knocked, hoping for Liv to respond.

"Oh no," Olivia thought... " I umm, I'll be right out." She said her voice failing her sounding much more weak. She leaned forward slightly taking deep breaths now trying to ward off the nausea with everything in her. Amanda didn't understand. She had this ridiculous fear of being sick that made no sense what so ever, she could be the tough cop and mom, but puking scared her? Something that your body did naturally, always sent her into a panic, and she has never been able to understand why, but also never has been able to get rid of the fear, she just thanked god she had a strong immune system, most of the time anyways. She cursed herself for letting herself get run down enough to catch a flu and become a burden on her family and others taking on extra work in their absence. Her hands were shaking now, as a tears slipped down her cheeks.

"Liv?" Amanda said as she knocked on the bathroom door "Can I please come in? I know you do not feel well. don't play hide and seek on me again" Amanda says jokingly but also at the same time worried about Olivia, because she knew that at any point in time, Liv could be sicker, and all she wanted to do is help her, and be there for her right by her side.

Olivia tired to think of something fast to say but failed, " I... I'm sorry," Amanda heard her through the door it sounded like she was crying. Amanda turned the nob, opening the door to reveal Olivia sitting shakily on the side of the tub. Olivia glanced up at her momentarily before putting her head back down her hair falling over her face once again as she looked down at the floor, feeling bad for ruining yet another night. Amanda noticed the tears wet on Olivia's face before she looked away, and her heart went out to her. She moved to Olivia's side. " what's wrong Liv? Why are you crying honey?" She asked. She moved Olivia's hair aside so that she could see her face which was very pale and feverish once again.

She gently put her hand under Olivia's chin urging her to look at her. Olivia wipes at her eyes but failed to stop the tears from falling as she now looked Amanda in the face. "I'm just... sorry, I'm not well and we were having a good night..." Olivia trailed off.

"Oh honey you did not ruin or get in the way, you cannot help being sick," Amanda says still holding Olivia's chin in place, she placed her thumb under Liv's eyes to wipe away the tears falling from her pale face. Liv moved her eyes off of Amanda feeling embarrassed and very nauseous. "Liv what all hurts?" She asked Olivia concerned.

Olivia pulled her head away, leaning forward holding her head and stomach now, and swallowing hard before she answered. "My...everything..." Olivia said thinking better of lying to Amanda and causing problems between them at the same time. "My head is pounding, nauseous and dizzy," Olivia told her, trying to stop the shaking on her hands at the panic that bubbled up inside of her over the thought of being sick again. Olivia clutched at her stomach. Leaning forward slightly, wiping her face with one hand once again.

Amanda placed her hand on Liv's back, moving in circles trying to help calm her down "shhh my love it's gonna be ok" Olivia looked up at Amanda trying to keep her eyes focused from the dizziness, and gives a small watery smile. Liv held her stomach as she is trying so hard not to get sick but she could feel in her throat.

Amanda noticed Olivia jerk and knew that she was going to throw up any minute possibly any second she quickly raced out of the bathroom door into the kitchen looking for the mop bucket knowing Olivia was probably way to dizzy. She opened the closet door looking up on the top shelf for the bucket "damn it where did those goofball kids put it" She looked over to the floor of the closet having a blonde moment where it was sitting right in front of her face the entire time "aha" she said as she grabbed it and rushed back into the bathroom yet again trying not to step or trip over the toys scattered all over.

Olivia looked up at her, she shook her head at her. "I can't move Amanda..." she trailed off. "You don't have to that's why I got the bucket, I don't want you passing out on me" Amanda's hand reached her back again rubbing it in circles and held the bucket in front of Olivia for her. Olivia grabbed for the bucket with her hands shaking. "I don't want to..." she told Amanda in a small voice. She Plaved a hand firmly over her lips shaking her head, trying her hardest to hold it in.

Amanda gave Olivia an odd look "honey why are you fighting so hard?" Amanda asked trying to look into her eyes but Olivia is starring into the bucket with her hand still over her mouth. Amanda moved her hand onto Liv's forehead feeling for a tempature "Oh my Livy love you are burning up!" She says in shock, but waiting to get the thermometer because she didn't want to leave Olivia like this, in fear of her passing out.

"It's stupid..." Olivia said between her fingers leaning more into the bucket. "You wouldn't understand," she said barely above a whisper. "Olivia what ever it is I'm sure I'll understand, we are all human, I love you we will figure it out, I promise but you are making yourself suffer longer..." Amanda's voice trailed off as she felt Olivia Tense up. "It... I don't know why it scares me, it's stupid, I've been scared of being sick since I can remember..." Olivia pitched forward losing control fast and began vomiting despite all her efforts not to, into the bucket she held tightly onto now. Amanda quickly scooted closer to Olivia and holds her hair back with one hand and with her other hand on her back "shhh Livy shhh" Amanda said calmly and supportive wondering to herself *I hope after she gets all of that out of her system she will feel better* Olivia Still continued throwing up violently out of her control, crying at the same time and trying to catch her breath. "Take it easy Liv, try to breathe honey," Amanda encouraged her helping her gain control of her breathing and convulsing stomach. Olivia heaved again coughing then breathing heavily, leaning her weight into Amanda as she closed her eyes, "dizzy," she whispered. "I know," Ananda set the bucket in the floor pulling Olivia more into her arms letting her rest against her as her body began to calm down again. "So tired..." Olivia's voice was barely audible. "Okay, shhh breathe sweetie, we will get toyninto bed just try to settle for a few minutes. Olivia nodded, as Amanda alternated between rubbing her back and rubbing her fingers over Olivia's hair to help sooth and calm her.

Once Olivia was finally calm, Amanda cleaned out the bucket and helped her back to bed setting the bucket beside the bed just Incase it was needed in the middle of the night. Olivia seemed to feel a lot better than she did earlier in the bathroom and settled in falling asleep fast as Amanda climbed in bed and pulled Olivia close to her sonshe could feel her move if she fell asleep. Amanda continued to run her hand through Olivia's soft hair even after she'd fallen into a more peaceful sleep, soon falling asleep herself.

The next morning Amanda opened her eyes to Jessie taking her shoulder, she looked over at Olivia still fast asleep in her arms, and smiled as she realized Olivia had gotten through the night without being sick again, and was still very fast alseep, knowing she needed the sleep, she quited the kids beside her and gently removed her arms from Olivia, she only stirred to find a better position and she was fast asleep once again, Amanda also noticed her fevervhad broken finally, she hurried the kids out of the room and into the kitchen to make them breakfast. Olivia had finally opened up to her, thank god she though outing cereal as per the kids choice for the morning.

After breakfast Amanda occupied the kids with coloring books and cartoons letting Olivia sleep as long as possible. She had gotten sockered into climbing in the floor with the kids and coloring with them, after they'd excitedly begged her to help make mommy some pictures.

It was around 11 before Olivia had finally passed out of into the living room hearing small giggles dork both her kids and Amanda's bushes voice, she pulled her sweater around herself and smiled watching the scene in front of her. Amanda hasn't run because she has the most ridiculous fear, of that she let her walls down, in fact she stayed and did more than anyone ever had. Her family in front of her. She pulled her phone out of her sweater pocket she'd placed there before leaving the bed and snapped a few pictures of the bunch before Amanda took notice of her presence. Hearing the last camera shot Amanda turned around smiling at Olivia who looked a million times better than she had the night before.

Amanda pulled herself into a standing position joining Olivia on the sofa, "How are you feeling?" Amanda asked her, making sure. " much better, thank you Amanda for taking care of me and the kids these last few days, I know I've been really stubborn." Amanda smiled, "well that makes to of us, she moved into Olivia's embrace and the two watched the kids together, laughing out loud as they'd both reach for the same crayon, then both finally noticing their mothers snuggled up on the couch and joined them finishing cartoons on the warm embraces of each other.


End file.
